"Sensitivity is a beautiful thing." Alanis Morissette on being a highly sensitive person

“Being a sensitive empath is a beautiful thing as an artist, and it fosters a deep burning curiosity about why we do the things we do.” - Musician Alanis Morissette

She is featured in the documentary “Sensitive – The Untold Story” - based on the work of Dr. Elaine Aron and her research on the innate trait of high sensitivity, or sensory processing sensitivity.

The first part of this episode is from the conversation between Morissette and Dr. Aron in the movie.

The second part is an excerpt from an interview by author Cheryl Richardson.

See videos about the documentary and the trait, plus resources, in article On Being a Highly Sensitive Person – a Trait With Strong Gifts and Challenges. 

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Transcript

Alanis Morissette  0:01 
On one hand, my traits and these qualities were seen as really positive and a boon. And something that people were frothing at the mouth to exploit. And then in the same breath, it was something that was sort of a bane of my existence and a challenge for people to deal with.

Elaine Aron  0:18  
Exactly the way I describe like the package deal that people want the positive side of the sensitivity, and then they want you to get rid of the negative side, and you can't get rid of it.

Alanis Morissette  0:27  
Lord knows I tried that: Okay, so you don't like the feeling part, the intense feelings that I have, okay, I'll be the needless robot that you want me to be. 

But of course, there was a great misperception of my approach to life as being you know, too high maintenance, and too emotional, and too, a lot of too much too intense. 

And so I, I spent most of my life thinking that how I was was a problem for people. Yet, at the same time, I was getting the message that what it was that I was coming to specifically because of my trait, they wanted that - they wanted the outcome and the fruit of my trait, but they didn't want my trait. 

So it was an interesting combination of being loved for it and being rejected for it.

Elaine Aron  1:14  
The work you do is very intense. And we know a lot of stars burn out in terrible ways.

Alanis Morissette  1:22  
How am I not dead? My lifestyle was not very conducive to care for the HSP for a really long time. And so I would just go through moments of having meltdowns and breakdowns, and I would keep them private, because I didn't want to be a bother. 

But that was my way of doing it, you know, I go month or two really hard, and and then I would crash, you know, and there were times where I didn't know I didn't have the maturity or the experience enough to create a day or two. 

After a show or after a big eventm oftentimes, I would just careen right into the next event, or the next interview, or the next show, the next video. 

And it was hard on my body. I developed a really fiery version of work addiction that I've been in recovery for for a while. And in being in recovery for work addiction, I have found myself really caring for this highly sensitive part of me.

movie narrator  2:15  
Alanis wrote 'That I Would Be Good' as a reflection of her being a highly sensitive person.

Alanis Morissette  2:21  
I wrote 'That I Would Be Good' in my closet. Because I was so overwhelmed. My home became this Grand Central Station. And I remember there having been 10 people downstairs. 

And so I hid in my closet of all places. And I remember lighting a candle on the floor in my closet, and writing 'That I Would Be Good' as a prayer like a meditation that I could listen to that would soothe me in times of overstimulation...And it was just like a gentle balm.

movie narrator  2:51  
Overstimulation is a serious disadvantage of the trait, true, but Alanis told us about the emotional responsiveness and empathy she can feel with her highly sensitive audience that makes her feel so authentic as a performer.

Alanis Morissette  3:08  
So there were some songs that - even when I would perform them on stage around the planet when we would tour - immediately the first few chords would play and I would just feel this huge relief wash over me. 

And I can just see the sweet HSP faces, you know, a lot of them a lot of HSPs are right up front. So there's a lot of emotional crying and fervor and passion. 

And we would just be mirroring each other, you know, I would do a lot of physical catharsis on stage, and then I would see the effect of it in the people's faces in the audience. So it's really gratifying in that way.

Douglas Eby  3:49  
Author and coach Cheryl Richardson is presenting a retreat with musician Alanis Morissette in March of 2014. Here's a brief excerpt from their conversation about having the personality trait of high sensitivity, while being an artist.

Cheryl Richardson  4:14  
Anybody who has listened to any of your music knows that you are a gal who checks under the hood and, you know are clearly somebody on a path as well. And you can tell from, you know, record to record to record just the trajectory of your own evolution is really quite evident.

Alanis Morissette  4:31  
Thank you - and a lot of people enjoy that. And then some people who are maybe a little more afraid of feelings or an emotional woman, are horrified - depends on where they're at, I suppose but to answer your question from a second ago, you know, I just remember as a young kid, feeling incredibly sensitive. 

At now I can see that it's a temperament that was sensitive to begin with. But you know, I felt really kind of porous in a way I felt like I was hearing a lot of intuitive messages and I felt really connected to spirit. 

And I would pray a lot. And none of these things were forced upon me in any way. I just, I just felt like inquiry was just kind of a mode. And some of it was part of my survival strategy. 

I was the therapist of the family, I was the Peacekeeper, I had a lot of roles that I played, you know, but most of them revolved around my attempting to understand and clarify so that I could heal the chaos that I perceived myself to be in at the time. 

So that served me well, in terms of survival. But it also served me well, because I happen to really love reading and researching and finding out about the human condition and the stages of development and why I was dating the people I was dating when I was 17, or whatever it was. 

I also just to be really crass about it. I just didn't enjoy pain. You know, it wasn't just some warrior s moment where I pulled the cape out at a young age, it was more that my tolerance for pain was really low. 

And so whenever I was in a lot of pain, I knew that there was something that I didn't quite understand yet. So that's definitely was the catalyst way back when.

Cheryl Richardson  6:03  
Yeah, well, you know what I hear you saying, like, I know, I value learning, I think I came out of the womb valuing learning. So I'm always curious and questioning and in particular, learning about what makes us as human beings tick. 

And, you know, I do start with myself and I sort of experiment on myself, I mean, all of my books, like your music, is just a reflection of whatever's going on in my life.

Alanis Morissette  6:30  
Yeah, amazingly generous for you to share it in real time, too, I've noticed that about every single one of your books is that while I'm reading it, I feel like you're, you're applying the very same exercises, or the very same, you know, looking at the same quandaries at the same moment. So...

Cheryl Richardson  6:45  
Yeah, I mean, I'm doing my best. And I have to say that, you know, it's, I don't know, there's something about music and like, sort of putting it out there, it feels like it's even more vulnerable.

To me as a writer, I don't know, there's something about the covers on the book that I think, well, you know, not everybody's gonna open it and read it. 

But with the music, it's like, boom, there it is, right. And here's my life right on the, you know, in the ether right there for all to see and your bravery around doing that, as well as pretty remarkable.

Alanis Morissette  7:13  
Thanks. And I've gotten the feedback that, you know, people are wondering, you know, how can I possibly feel safe with sharing the amount of information I do emotionally. 

And I, first of all, I don't really know any other way. I do know that when I'm not being transparent - and I'm not talking about the irresponsible transparency, where when someone says "How you doing" on a street corner, you tell them about your ingrown toenail, although that might be funny, but totally inappropriate. 

I'm talking about the transparency that, you know, gives this sense of centeredness or groundedness, or well being...

Cheryl Richardson  7:44  
It's funny, today I was thinking about our conversation, because as, as you know, and we're letting everybody know, you and I are going to be teaching together for the first time. I'm so excited about it. 

We're going to do a retreat together at Miravalle next year, and I think, you know, part of the impetus for doing that is every time we do, you know, get together or get on the phone together, it's like, you know, consciousness gets expanded. 

And I really wanted to give people a chance to have that experience to really be a part of a dialogue and intimate dialogue and to look carefully at things like what it means to be a sensitive human being how that relates to creativity and art, and what do we need to do to take care of the sensitivity within us so that we can actually recognize the gifts of that sensitivity and use it to be a fuller expression of ourselves. 

And I was thinking today about how, how sensitive and how being sensitive as a sensitive woman, I know, we both are, we talk about that a lot, how being sensitive has really served me in making the art that I make, and that, you know, being sensitive means I can see the nuances of life that I feel the nuances of life. And that actually, that's where my interest lies in those subtle nuances that connect us as human beings and...

Alanis Morissette  9:08  
subtle nuances in food too, right? Like, when it comes to cooking, you know, I feel like when I when I eat, I taste 75 herbs and spices and when I'm smelling a perfume I smell the 16 had no heart no, you know, and it's it's beautiful. It's exciting. 

It's daunting, sometimes, you know? And I think only because the overstimulation can come so quickly. 

So whereas, you know, I have a lot of friends who are at this sort of non sensitive temperament and where they shine, you know, they shine in a million ways, but where they shine a lot is they'll be in, in what I consider to be this wildly overstimulating environment and they can make it, stick it out, you know, while I'm imploding. 

You know, I can soldier through anything pretty much but but I'm overwhelmed. You know, I get I kind of max out maybe a little more quickly than some so it's my responsibility to make sure that I do schedule little mini breaks throughout the day and that I have enough sleep - it's almost... it's incumbent upon me to make sure that I that I take care in a very fierce way in order to be able to continue to write and to be the person I want to be.

Narrator (synthetic voice)  10:17  
This material in an excerpt from a longer podcast or video, follow link in description to learn more.

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