Getting past feeling flawed to being authentic and connecting better with others

"It is hard to change that feeling flawed piece...it's so seeped into your bones." Julie Bjelland

“Trauma results in this belief that we are different, that we’re not enough, that there’s something about us that pushes people away or that we’re too much for other people."

Trauma healing specialist Aimie Apigian, MD continues: “And so if they were to truly know us – all parts of us – then they would leave us, then they would kick us out, then they would reject us, abandon us.

"And those feelings of being abandoned and being different are so painful that our system responds in a self-protective way…”
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Julie Bjelland, a psychotherapist and author specializing in high sensitivity and neurodiverse people, comments in an episode of her podcast:

"It is hard to change that feeling flawed piece...it's so seeped into your bones because it's your inner child. It's stuff that you learned with a child's brain."
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Dr Cathleen King finds "in my experience, and in the research of the psychology of chronic pain, we often see that the pain cycle is ultimately cross wired with some type of underlying core belief such as “I’m not okay, I’m not good enough, I’m unworthy, undeserving, imperfect, unloveable, etc” that has been enmeshed with our core identity."

Cathleen King, DPT, is a "doctor of physical therapy who teaches neuroscience principles, and is a mind-body practitioner.
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Mihaela Ivan Holtz, Psy.D., LMFT of Creative Minds Psychotherapy comments about judgments and perfectionism interfering with our creativity and emotional health.

She writes about being "in the flow, completely at peace with yourself and what you’re doing" and asks, "So, what takes you out of this emotional authentic space?

"It could be a comment you hear or the look in someone’s eyes as they observe something you’re  doing. It might be a memory of someone telling you that you “are doing it wrong,” “ruined something,” “keep breaking things.”

"Your own self doubt can cause the disconnection, especially when your inner voice says things like “I’m afraid I will fail,” “people won’t like me,” or “I can’t do this.”

"These are messages of not being “good enough” keeping you stuck in the quest for perfection. The desire to be or do things “perfectly” is a mental space of fear that leaves  you caught in anxiety about being wrong, making mistakes, or being flawed."

» Also listen to this episode, and see links to videos with these psychologists, in the related Creative Mind post Getting past feeling flawed to being authentic and connecting better with others.
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